Drive Time anyone?

Well, if you read this blog at all, you know for a while I was gainfully employed at DHL for about 2 months. The reasons that it didn’t work out were varied, and probably seem petty in the short term, but, I did try and do the job as specified, and without too much success.

Not withstanding, my friend Gary Gilmore, who stuck his neck out to get me the interview was more than a little miffed at me, but since I’ve been gone, we have had a couple of beers, and shared some stories, so that is all good now I’m sure.

Now, it was because of the job at DHL, that I saw the opportunity to do something else in the delivery field. I had been invited to lunch at I HOPE by my Lady love, and I was working, but also was having some doubts about the job, so doing the job was about the last thing on my mind. As I was driving, I noticed 4 brand new pick up trucks traveling down the highway following each other. I thought that was strange, never see so many new vehicles going down the road like that. Then I saw the lead vehicle, it was a passenger van, with the company logo and phone number on it, so I made a mental note, and after I got to the restaurant, I googled them.

I found out that they were located smack dab in the middle of my delivery area. The take new and used vehicles, from dealerships around the area, to dealer inly auctions, you know the kind I’m talking about, those small ones on the side of some major roads in your town, and those dealers then bid for the ones they want to buy. It’s really the best for both dealers, but you know, some of those trade ins? Not the best in the world, like yesterday, after a 2015 Mercedes, I got a POS 1995 Buick, the word part? Even though the car was crap in just about every way, the except the engine, it was smooth shifting, and ran really well, everything else though, the windows didn’t roll up or down, the saving grace on this was the drivers side window was down, and the air conditioning didn’t work, no radio, and the steering wheel haa a covering on it that was done at the factory, that had come away from the wheel itself, but still in one piece on the wheel, it was like having a theraputic squishy on the wheel, which turned out to be good, because everything that bothered me about the car, was taken out on that squishy. Then, after having delivered that one, we went to a Buick Dealership, to pick up some Fiats.

If you aren’t familiar with this car, it’s kinda like a baby shoe, with wheels attached. I had to drive this, while inside of it. Yeah, it’s tiny. I’m a big fella. Comical.

We had a difficult time getting them to start, and if you aren’t familiar with brand new vehicles, they like to use computer readouts to show you how much gas you have, also some handy how many miles til you’re empty. Mine said 75 miles to go. We weren’t going that far, so I went ahead and took off. About halfway there I noticed I had 90 miles to empty. Realized at THAT time, it was a trip meter, not a reflection on how much gas I had left. With just 16 Miles to my destination, I ran out of gas.

There I was, sitting on the side of a busy highway, inside of a baby shoe, knowing that at any moment, someones inattention would result in the destruction of this kids toys, and myself included. I exited the vehicle, to watch the impending doom of this car, from a slight distance. Nothing bad happened, it took more than two hours for them to finally get me some gas, and thinking this tiny little car should get like 100,000 miles to the gallon, I didn’t put a whole lot in the tank, and with just a mile and a quarter to go, I ran out of gas again. First time not really my fault, second time, all me kids, all me.

After profuse apologies all-around, we made our way back to the office.

I tell this story to basically say that, even though it was a crappy day, it was a million times better than the other place. Be Well

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The Trip!

Before I tell you this story, I’m going to preface it with some background on my current relationship, without getting too descriptive, not TOO descriptive. Anywho.

My current girlfriend and I are waaay old enough to know better. So before you judge our relationship, know this, we have both been normal regular people most of our lives. We make choices that have turned out to be mistakes, and have learned and grown from it.

We had both decided to rededicate ourselves to the LORD, and try to be better people for HIS sake, and for ours as well. She made that decision about 9 years ago, I didn’t make it until earlier this year. Even though we were in each other’s lives, more indirectly than directly, we never had occasion to converse or even interact.

I tell you these things, because GOD had wanted us to be there for each other, and had set in motion, certain events that would make it possible to get to know each other.

First for me, was taking me away from Austin, Texas. I had just made the decision, at 50 years old, to become a stand-up comedian, but HE had other plans. I was tasked to come and help take care of my elderly father, so that my sister could relax, not being the ONLY person to take care of him, you see, he can be a handful, the apple doesn’t fall far from the tree. I was so upset with GOD, I had made a conscious decision to do something with my life, and now nothing.

So I was mad at HIM, but it was ok, because HE made everything, including time, and HE is eternal, so HE said HE’D wait until I came around to HIS way of thinking.

It was April of 2014 when I came back to North Texas, it was July of 2016 that I had decided to actually read the Bible for the very first time in my life, and it was just after my 54th birthday, when I attended my sisters church for the very first time.

Now, speaking about personal relationships, I’ve had a few, and they have ALL ended. Not through any fault of either of us directly, but I did notice a trend, they were all sexual at the base of it, and because I need to be very thorough in my attempts at relationships, I would always lean in that direction. It finally dawned on me that maybe sex was not necessarily the best basis for a relationship, because sooner or later, that component is fleeting, and you’re gonna have to deal with the other person directly, you know, as a person.

All of my best relationships with guys didn’t involve sex, just dudes hanging out, sometimes making bad decisions while say “Hold my beer”.

So, I decided that the next time I had a relationship, I would want them to be my friend first.

Then, I got to start hanging out with my girlfriend. She was an aquaintance of my sister through the churches that they each attended. She likes to cook, and would always make more than she needed, so she would bring over the extra, and we all benefited from this. This is how I met her.

She had given us some rocking chairs for our porch, and after using mine a couple of times, it started coming apart, I asked if she could help me put them back together, because I’m not about the tools and such, and we, more like she, put them back together, even better than before, better, faster, stronger, oh wait, no,  that’s the Six Million Dollar Man! They were better though.

That’s how it started. We spent the weekend putting them back together, making them stronger, and painted them. I have never laughed so much in my life, and I’m the funny one!

Soon after that, a small tornado came through our little community, and tore off the west side roof of her barn. She was devastated, but, not if her animals were hurt, and her house experienced no damage, and after I had cleaned up the small mess that was in our yard, I looked on Facebook, and saw her post, and then I let her know, that if there was anything I could do, I would. Just so happens, I didn’t have a real job to go to, and I only lived a mile away, she said yes please I need your help.

That was the start of us becoming good friends, friends are people who you can rely on, in the most difficult times, even at 3am.

It didn’t take very long to realize that this is who GOD wanted me to be with. It wasn’t very much longer after that, that I had told her as much, and to out the icing on the cake, told her that we would not have sex, until after we were married, if that ever came about.

It’s a promise that I had made to GOD, and it says in the Good Book, better to never make a promise, than to make o e, and not keep it! Especially to GOD, HE don’t like you making promises, and NOT keeping them.

This was kind of a shock to her, but, it was also a litmus test of sorts, if I can keep this promise, maybe I’m worth having around as a man, she hasn’t had the greatest luck in that area either.

So

Over the Labor Day weekend, we had planned to got to the town in Oklahoma where she grew up, went to High School, and left for college.

The name of the town is Poteau.

It’s pronounced Po-To, like potato, without the Tay, buuuuuut, if you are from around there, it’s pronounced PoDo, like Dodo, the bird that went extinct.

You don’t want people to assume you are from out of town now do ya? Even though your car has Texas plates on it? Do ya???

We went there as a test run, you see, I snore, and apparently it’s something to experience, and while we aren’t going to sleep together, we are going to be in the same room, and she is a light sleeper.

This could make or break us folks.

Also, the Vikings years ago, had trekked across North America, from the East Coast, to middle of the United States, directly to Oklahoma, and left some interesting carvings on stones surfaces, they call them Runes, say it with me ROONS!

They are Rune Stones, and are clear indication that the Vikings made it inland this far anyway.

It was down in a cavernous pit, at the top of a small mountain, a hill actually, but I did have some Marine Corps flashbacks, when we’d climb hills like these back in the day, we’d reach the top, sit and rest a bit, and invariably, someone in charge would say, “People pay big bucks to see views like this!”, to which I would mutter, not this guy!

So, we saw the Runes, I took some pics, to prove that I was there.

We saw some of the places she had lived, some of the places she had hung out, met some of her family, had some really good food, and visited a church locally, you see she and I go to different churches, she likes her, and I like mine, but we both enjoyed this one together, and they were collecting for the devastation the Hurricane Harvey had brought in, and they had also had a fire at one of there local schools, in the Cameron school district. My oldest son is named Cameron, so yeah, I had to give more. Had to.

The great thing about our trip?

She found, that with a small fan on, separate beds, a number of pillows, and some cheap earplugs, she isn’t hardly bothered by my snoring, isn’t that wonderful!?  Yeah, I thought so too.

So in conclusion, GOD has a plan for all of us, and we can fight it all we want to, but when you just let HIM do the work for you, your life becomes much easier. It won’t be perfect until after the end of it all, but it will be easier.

By the way, isn’t the world supposed to end today? I’m sure I read that somewhere? Does anyone know exactly what time? Cause I got stuff to do, and I can’t wait around all day. Be Well.

Ever moving forward

First, GOD is good all the time!

Second, I haven’t been writing because I’ve been too busy, but that has changed some. Right now, I’m at the VA doing labs today, they forgot to tell me to hold my water, so after they Dracula’d me, I’m pounding coffee to squeeze out a sample, so while I’m waiting, I figured I’d give everyone an update.

So about 2 and a half months ago, I ran into an old friend that I used to deliver packages with for Airborne Express, Gary Gilmore, we visited for a bit, and I found out that he was delivering for DHL, who incidentally, had purchased Airborne Express just after I stopped working there. There primary function was International Delivery only, but wanted to expand into the domestic market. That didn’t last. They are back to strictly International again.

Now, I appreciate the opportunity, and the fact that my friend used his influence to get me on. The hours were long, and the stress levels were so high, and there is a benefit from getting older, that I don’t have young children growing up, or mortgages to pay, or any major bills, in fact, I’m pretty much retired, except I don’t have enough money in my Social Security to benefit me when I am the proper age to actually retire.

I had on one occasion, spied a small convoy of new vehicles driving in a line, and saw the lead vehicle with advertising for that company, I googled them, and saw that they were based in my delivery area. After speaking with them, and discussing the situation with my girlfriend, we agreed that for us, and everyone around us, that maybe a change was in order.

Now the pay for DHL is outstanding! But so are the amount of hours worked. The time commitment on deliveries and the window for pick ups, was enough to make me want to pull out the rest of my sparsely growing hair, and I just can’t have that.

Anyhow, after getting all of my ducks in a row, I put in my 2 week notice, and after a few days, they asked me what I would need, in order to stay. I gave them some outrageous demands. In my mind, if they HAD agreed to what I was asking, it would have been worth it to stay, but also, the things that I asked for were also to ensure they wouldn’t meet them, therefore freeing me up to do this other job.

They laughed at my demands, so did I, it was worth a try though, then I proceeded to train 2 other new drivers, on scanner procedure, and delivery and pick up. The second was promising for taking over my route, but when the last couple of days came up, they asked if I could stay another week, to train another guy who was going to take over my route, he had grown up there, and was familiar with the area. By this time though, I had already promised the new job I was to be available on the next Monday, besides, they didn’t even offer to sweeten the pit at all, besides, I promised, so……

It says in the good book, it’s better NOT to make a promise, rather than make a promise and not keep it, it’s an abomination in the eyes of the LORD, just don’t do it!

Anyhow, the new job? Texas Auto Delivery! We go from dealerships, taking new and used cars, to auction sites around the city. Now I’ve never heard of this kind of thing before, but, let me tell you, there are alot of people that do this sort of thing, I mean alot!

With two days under my belt, and just starting out, I took the third day for the VA, when I told the owner, his answer to me was, no big deal, just.means I don’t have to pay you for that day! My kind of job!

So, my girlfriend and I had gone to the town where she grew up, to show me around, and for us to have a little trip together, and I’ve been wanting to write about that since.we got back, Labor Day weekend, so that should be next on the list, now that I have time again to write! Be Well!!

Just a story.

I was on my path through this world we live in, and I happened upon another. He did not look like me, his clothes were strange to me, as I believe mine were to him.

He did speak the same language, but his accent made it hard for me to really understand him.

We decided to travel together for a while, taking each other’s company as a way to pass the time during our travels.

As time went by, we needed to get water to quench our thirsts.

As the day wore on, we needed to stop and eat, with the day coming to a close, we also needed to rest our bodies, for travelling on foot is tiresome. We told each other stories of our lives not on the road.

Friends and family, loves and losses, good times, and hard times. When it was time to sleep, we had each other to keep the other safe from harm, but we both needed sleep, so we slept at the same time, trusting each other not to harm or hurt during the rest.

We awoke the next day, and had a morning meal before we started out again. Our travels would be taking us in different directions eventually, but for the time being, we were there for each other.

Sooner than I would have liked, we had to part ways, but only for a while, we promised to stay in touch, as we all often do, but there was something different about this man, I wanted to keep my promise to him to stay in friendship with him.

His sincerity, his honesty, and his companionship during my travels, made me realize, that even though we are different on the outside, we are all the same on the inside, our needs daily are the same, food, water, rest. This will never change, so our realization of these things should never change.

As we were coming out of the desert, and about to make our way on different paths, I embraced my new friend, and told him I would always try to stay in touch, and would never forget the man who.made me understand that we are all of GODS children, he said “Goodbye Ron, and good travels.” and I said “Goodbye JESUS, you are a good friend!”

That’s my story, Be well.

Yeah, I’m going there again.

So, it was close to the end of a long Friday, and I had to relieve myself, bladderally, I was looking at the plumbing, because these days, we can’t be bothered to actually flush a urinal, goodness!

As I was taking care of business, I saw the company logo, in big bold letters, ZURN! It stated as a matter of fact.

Stupid name for a company, if you ask me. Then I spelled it out, instead of reading it.

Z  U  R  N

Or in my head Z Urine!

Almost had to clean up my own mess I laughed so hard, but I did manage to keep it together. Be well!

Well…….Here ya go!!

You know, they say that if you are a blogger, that doesn’t blog, you’re not a blogger.

I recently got a job, it takes all of my time, even some sleep time, and I haven’t found time to write, I’m actually working right this minute, buuuuuut, because a friend of mine wanted to know if I was still blogging, here ya go!

I am a blogger.

This is my blog, there are many like it, but this one is mine.

Bloggers make the words flow.

Readers make the blogs grow.

Read this blog, and share that with your friends, I’ll write more, serious stuff later, promise!!!

So…… How’s work going?

An old Marine buddy, Paul Donoughe, asked me yesterday morning how work was going, since last Tuesday was my first day back at a real job since the end of 2013.

Well, at the time he texted me, I was driving, so I had to wait to get to a red light to check my messages, and to respond. You see, I deliver packages, so all the road no-nos, are in full effect. So, while waiting for the light to change, I quickly typed, driving, which naturally came out as “droving”, yeah, like I’m Hugh Jackman in AUSTRALIA, being the drover. He quickly shot back to me to put that damn phone down and pay attention to the road! It took a bit for me to get to a stopping point and reassure him that I was obeying the traffic laws, but what he wanted, was an update, so here it is Paul!!!

I have done this kind of work before, I became real good at it, but, just like when I think of the things my body endured as a young man, my old man body refuses to believe the self delusional mind that I keep thrusting upon it.

My memory of where I’m delivering, is 17 years old, stuff has been added since that time, most of the other drivers were in diapers when I was doing that, and being older, I don’t take as many risks as I may have, back in the day.

Lost, was a word I would never have thought I would use to describe myself in a delivery area that I was so familiar with back in the 1900’s. I was soooooooo lost, I felt like all those poor characters in that stupid show, LOST! Que dramatic music, and go to commercial.

My friend Gary Gilmore, was the one who suggested me for the job, and he was the one responsible for teaching me how to use the delivery scanner, but, that shouldn’t mean that he should be responsible for making sure all of my packages are delivered! That is what he did though, and it’s a good thing too, because I would still be out there right now, trying to get those deliveries done. Thanks Gary, you are a good friend, and an immense help!!

Anyway, just to let everyone know, I ain’t no quitter, but, if they give me enough time to re-learn this area, they will not be disappointed in my ability to deliver.

My smart aleck attitude, mmmm, not so much! Be well!!!

GOD is GOOD, all the time! All the time, GOD is GOOD!

Now everyone should know by now, I have rededicated myself to my LORD and SAVIOR, JESUS CHRIST.

Now for over a year, I had read the Bible, cover to cover, found my heart in GOD, and JESUS, and have delved into the study of the Bible, because the stories in the Bible, although true, do not get into the meat of the story, just the surface.

Anyway, my friend Matt Smith, and i, worked on a t-shirt design, that is to have people that don’t know you, come and ask you what the t-shirts mean. On the front, GIGATT, on the back, ATTGIG, because, GOD is GOOD all the time, All the time GOD is GOOD! You see, it’s hard to start a conversation about GOD to people you don’t know, in order to bringore people to the LORD, you have to be able to talk to people who don’t know GOD, and when you say stuff like, “Do you know JESUS CHRIST is your LORD and SAVIOR?”, It does tend to put people off. So through an experience at church, not the First Baptist Church of Wylie, but the First Assembly of Lavon, the speaker we had that day, did the all knowing, GOD is GOOD, all the time. Normal response from Christians is, All the time GOD is GOOD.

That got me to thinking, my dad over the years has designed t-shirts, that make no sense to anyone other than him, and without exception, I’ve seen people who have tried to figure out what they mean,to walk up to him and ask the meaning.

Like this one, “I just want to LIP, DIP, and RIP!”.

Every time!

So I had GIGATT, ATTGIG on my mind for the longest time. You may know, that most of the stories I write, I have told verbally many times, but was always too busy to actually write them down. Since my new and improved heartfelt relationship with GOD, I get and idea to write something, and it doesn’t leave my brain until I write it. One of the reasons I write this blog, was to be able to write these stories down, and not have to bother all of my friends on the Facebook. So, now I write.

Until I got together with Matt, who owns and runs a t-shirt company, and we hashed out a really good design for our t-shirt, the GIGATT, ATTGIG would not leave my brain.

We have done an initial run, Matt said $12, my Lady said $15, it’s just easier, so yeah, shameless plug time, go to WylieTshirts.com, to get the lower price, or get ahold of me, for the $15 dollar ones, sizes are an issue, so we may or may not have your size in stock.

Now, the real reason I’m writing this story, I went in a job interview last Thursday, and was sent to take a urinalysis, after the interview, they had to do a background check and all, but usually, they don’t pee test you, unless they are going to hire you. So they said, they should know something within 24 hours, and they would call us on Friday. After the pee test, call the supervisor and let him know you’ve completed the task. I did my biz, walked out of the med lab, outside, called the supervisor to let him know I’ve completed my mission, and he said stuff, which I couldn’t really hear, but I assumed he said thank you, and you can go about your day, and don’t call us we’ll call you!

Friday came and went, Saturday as well, not that I was overconfident, but seeing how I’d been sent to pee, I figured I was a shoe in, I had already agreed to watch a friends house and dogs for the weekend, so all I had to do was wait by the phone for a call that I would never receive.

I just finished that if I was supposed to have the job, GOD would have seen fit for them to hire me. So instead of being down and depressed, which is what I would normally do, I just thanked the LORD for being the guiding light in my life, and to keep my eyes open to new possibilities.

6:50 a.m., my phone is ringing, no one of importance ever calls me, so I went to hit the ignore button, it was the supervisor from that job!

He wanted to know when was I deciding to show up for work? I was like, WHAAAAAT? Apparently, whilst talking to him on Thursday, he had told me to show up Monday at 7 a.m., and because I was outside, with wind, and traffic, I didn’t hear him, and was waiting all weekend for a call that wasn’t coming, I’d already been given the job, so my first day of work in 3 and a half years, I decided not to go, and he seemed to understand my likely excuse, so tomorrow, 7 a.m., for real this time!

GOD is GOOD all the time, All the time GOD is GOOD, Be well!

 

Trouble Shooting? Problem Solving? Who knows?

I’m not sure what it is, and I’m doing this so I can try to figure it out without having to ask for help.

When I started my blog, it was to broaden my readership, because I would post on the Facebook all the time, and some of my very good friends would tell me I needed to get a life, so, the blog.

At the end of the story, I would hit the publish button, then it would let me preview the story for mistakes, and then it would give me the option to share, whether it was the Facebook, or Twitter, or Instagram, or whatever, well NOW, I don’t get the option, it just puts it in the site of WordPress.com, and I don’t even know if anyone but Kim and Joyce even see it, they follow the blog, so they get an email notification that I’ve written a story, and it used to be that if I typed in the comedy877.wordpress.com link, my latest story, with my self designed photo header would show up, and those that have gotten used to seeing that picture, would realize that I’ve written yet another story, and possibly even go ahead and read said story. So, with that out there. I’m going to see, what is what. Be well.

 

Day of the pedicure, night of the armadillo!

This is actually two stories. They have been in my mind to write, but with all the drama that my half sister stirred up with adult protective services, and calling my sister Kims pastor at the church, 4 times mind you, to have him go check on my dad because she thinks that I beat on him. Well, not true, none of it. Then she writes a really weird letter to Kim, and it was horribly offensive. She wanted​ to throw it out. I’m keeping it for evidence of a strained mind, but enough about that, on with the stories.

#1, the pedicure.

I’ve never had one, most guys don’t get them, it’s ok if they do, just not high on our priority list.

My friend Sharlene had that small tornado wreck her barn a bit, and with Kim and my youngest son Connor available to watch dad, I was more than able to help her any way possible. I don’t know a whole lot about building stuff, or making things that are broke, work again. I’m more apt to break something than to fix it, but muscle I have, and even though I hadn’t been very physical in the last 2 1/2 years, I wanted to help my friend, because she’s done so much for us over the last couple of years.

So, there I was, willing muscle, and happy to help her any way that I could. All the time spent together, working, and seeing how resourceful she was, the amount of tools she had, the different things she has learned over the years, she was very interesting to me, so spending alot of time with her wasn’t work, it was fun. There are more than one occasion that she has made me laugh so hard I thought I was going to pass out from lack of oxygen. If you know me at all, I’m usually the funniest person in the room, usually. I find it very hard to watch new comedians do their bits, because I don’t just laugh to laugh, you have to be funny, well, she is funny.

Anyway, one day after a long day doing whatever chores she needed done, we were sitting on her front porch, letting the breeze cool us off a bit, and refreshing beverages slake our thirsts. You go ahead and pick which kind is your favorite, I won’t judge you.

She said that she would like to thank me for being so helpful through this troubling time for her. I was like, aww shucks, it weren’t nuthin’. She was like no, really, I’d like to treat you to a pedicure.

Now, when I say, my mind halted, and went totally blank for a few seconds, it’s not because I think getting a pedicure is bad, or weird, by any means, a Mani pedi, maybe, but just plain pedicure, not really a problem.

See, the problem I had with the whole idea of this was, ever since Bootcamp, my feet have never been the same. Sometimes it’s all I can do to touch my own feet, and I know when to stop, because I can feel it.

So in about five seconds from the time she made her statement, until my brain unfroze again, I immediately said no, and not in a nice way. I could see she seemed a bit hurt by the way I answered her, so I went a little further, and explained about my feet, and that during the last part of winter in 2011, and just before spring 2012, my feet got to where they seemed like they were always cold. I like to sleep with my feet uncovered anyway, and pull them under the blankets when they get too cold, but nothing I did could get them to warm up. I’ve recently signed up with the V. A. and saw the doctor on Friday, he said I was more than likely a diabetic, who of us aren’t anymore? Anyhow, I told him about my feet, and that it seems like I always feel as if I’m wearing a pair of socks, and pain, my goodness the pain.

So, back to the relevant story. I told her all this, and she was like really, is that all? Well no, I said, I have the ugliest feet in the Universe, and she said no you don’t. So a day or two went by, I thought about the gift she was trying to give me, and told her after careful consideration, that I would accept her gift.

So, we had gone to run a few errands for her, and on the way back to her house, we stopped at the Nail Salon, that’s what they are called, Nail Salon.

I was a bit nervous, it was my first time ya know. Byron Hayes might even say Inaugural visit, to the Nail Salon. everything was going fine, up until the young lady that had the pleasure of trying to smooth out the rough patches on the bottoms of my feet, had to grab real hard at the bottom of my foot, close to the pinky toe, and where I have a corn of sorts, well, I’m trying to be cool about the whole thing. The actual torture that was happening on the bottom of my foot, was nothing, compared to the older gentleman, who was with his wife, giving me crap for squirming, and grabbing the back of my chair, as if maybe something was tickling me to the point of tears, yet it was pain that I was experiencing, and him telling me to man up. Now, even though I’m a big fella, I’m fairly easy going, but with all the training that I had received whilst in the Corps, all the scenarios that kept running through my brain, and what is like to do to this guy, well, it took my mind off of the foot torture. Sharlene was kind enough to mention my affiliation with Uncle Sams Misguided Children, so I didn’t have to. By the time the whole thing was over, we were all talking nice talk back and forth, just two men, and two women getting their toes done. It wasn’t that bad, overall, but I think that little woman bruised my corn area, just saying, that’s the end of that one!

#2, the armadillo.

Like I said, I have been spending alot of time over at Sharlenes house, she like to go, travel a bit, see her relatives, or take jaunt here in Texas with her close friends. So I asked if I could.learn how to take care of her Mules, and dogs, so that if she wanted to go out of town, I could help her out. It didn’t​ take too long, before I had a reasonable grasp of the situation, and it wasn’t too long before she did have a long day trip planned, she was going to leave really early in the morning, and be gone most, if not all day. So I told her I’d take care of her animals that day, and she said I could stay the night, she has a spare bedroom, she would be leaving before sunup, and I wouldn’t need to feed the first time for at least three hours. So I spent the night, she took her day trip, and everything went smoothly, as was predicted. Since that time there have been several such occasions. Every time since the first overnight, she has explained to me that she has this hate, hate relationship with the local armadillo population. It seems that a while back, Great Great Great, Grampa armadillo found the best grubs in her flower beds, and consequently, her yard, and has passed out her address and map of her location, that he probably had made at the nearest Kinko’s. So, she informed me that she will, a couple of times a night, go outside with her very powerful spotlight, and look for the dreaded vermin, and try to dispatch them with her handgun. So if I hear gunfire, not to be alarmed, it was just her passing out old West Justice, the family Armadillo!

This was all well and good. Until I spoke up one day and said that if in fact, she spies one of those critters, she should come get me. After all, I am a three time rifle expert, and qualified expert on the .45 when I became a Corporal, so yeah, if those little buggers show up, come get me, and I’ll eradicate them with extreme prejudice!

Time after Time, all’s quiet on the Eastern front.

Until that one morning, I had just rolled over, and had checked the time, still had four hours before the sun comes up, so I closed my eyes, and was drifting back to sleep, when I hear Sharlene come in and call out my name. I looked up, and was like, what? She said there was and armadillo in the front yard, so put on my slippers, and out the door we went. She shined the spot on him, and there he was, seemingly unaffected by the light, just cruising the yard, looking for a good place to start digging. We started walking bout to the far end of the front yard, mind you, this is out in the country, and there are neighbors around, but not close enough to worry about stray rounds or anything like that. We got about thirty, or forty feet away, when it looked as if he was about to bolt out of the yard, and run across the road, so I took aim, lined up the sights, and squeezed the trigger. BLAM! Nothing. Not just nothing, but that armadillo just sat there, sniffing around like he wasn’t sure if he wanted to start digging on the left side, or the right. Now, I know, I know how to shoot. I also know that I’m not familiar with this particular weapon, but the basic principles are the same, line up your target in the sights, squeeze the trigger, and paste your target, simple. But this thing didn’t even acknowledge my presence, let alone that I popped a cap at his ass, and he just sat there. So I give him another try, missed again, but this time I got his attention. Sharlene has the light on him, and to her credit, she never lost him, even when he bolted, but instead of across the street, he came toward me. Now I start thinking about how much of an animal lover Sharlene is, and how I wouldn’t want to traumatize her by shooting this thing in the face, later she would ask me why I didn’t shoot him in his pointy little face!? So as he ran towards me, I hesitated, and did not fire until he was to the right of me, I’d say less than ten feet, I shot at him three times, and each time, I could see the rounds hit the ground just above him, on the other side of him. Miss, miss……..missmissmiss, then he turned to his left, heading straight South, and in a hurry like, missmiss, he turns East, miss! Gone! Gone, and I had the perfect opportunity to kill a pest. I’m no killer, might as well have been throwing those great big marshmallows at the guy. Stupid armadillo. Until I finally get him, I’m gonna have to put away my man card, temporarily, just until I can get a least one armadillo, oh, and this time, I’m going to use a shotgun, better for moving targets!

That is the end of the second story!

I’m sorry I haven’t been around for you guys as much, but, life is out there, and when you go outside, you can get your hands on it, rub it up and down, and enjoy that stuff, just like I have been. Be well!